Pobe Ni Baya !

I haven't had much time to update my blog, I have a cold that's making my bloody nose run and sneezing every ten seconds aaarrgh !

Anyhoo, enough about my ailments, coming to think of it I got the homa during Easter weekend at a friends party- dude called me Friday to pre-warn of the bash and I believe his exact words were " ITS GOING DOWN "

Saturday comes, I go about running my errands and the sun and heat did me in so when I got home I decided to take a nap in the afternoon for a couple of hours ( am I getting into a geriatric stage or what ?? taking a nap in the afternoon )

I get a reminder call about the party....so I drag Madams matakos around the house trying to figure what to wear ( a dilemma I face everyday ) I decide to throw caution to the wind and jus vaa a kinyasa and a vest and head out there then I figure if peeps decide to go out I might be in a lurch, so I call dude back and ask if a lot of people are going to be showing up and if there are plans to go somewhere else later into the night.

The answer I got took me back to square one in the wardrobe dept. An hour later I head out to my friends placeand I stop at the liquor store by my house whereI spend more time in there than I should have because the owner is chatting with me ( and no, we're not on a first name basis because of my alcoholic tabias ) but coz dude is Moroccan and he once saw my ID and was like "Oh so you're from Kenya" so since then whenever I go there he makes small talk and might I add I no longer get carded he he he

I fika dudes house and I can already smell the nyamchom and I'm like oohhh yeaa...its going down ! by then there were not many people who had arrived yet and judging by the number of alcohol in the fridge, coolers and counter I knew this was going to be something else.....I make a comment about the alcohol and my friend says ...the kind of bash we're having leo there are cops who will be coming - GUARANTEED !

Two or three drinks later, the party is getting packed by the minute, and I got to see peeps I hadn't seen for a minute, it was a cool crowd...so far !
A chick friend of mine ingiad with a big bottle of Jaegemeister and she's the LIFE of the party at any given time - now this is one particular drink I'm not too fond of coz it tastes like five year old Breacol and Cofta mixed together ! but th\what the the heck I took the dam shots anyway !
Shot glasses were put in a mlolongo and Jaegemeister bombs were made ( Yager & redbull ) and no one was an exception to NOT taking the shots !! that was jus the beginning of the many shot sessions that were going to take place.

I happen to be a people watcher and its always interesting to watch people when they're not aware of it - there was this one dude whom I gave a nickname MKOSA KICHANA ( MK )coz his hair was a mess, well it looked like he was in the process of dreadin his nywele but hadn't pulled it off kabisa....NAPPY NAPPY HAIR ! dude didn't talk much and he kept looking at me, and they were jus blank creepy stares, I noticed he didn't talk much but he constantly had a drink in hand - Heineken, to be exact.

Then there was this MIDGET dude who from the looks of it, has been OD'ing on the weight machines in a gym ( I guess since he's vertically challenged he decided to tackle his misulis with an Arnold Schwarznegger vengeance ) Midget was loud too, VERY loud and one could tell from his demeanor that he was full of himself , or as the shrink would put it, the midget had a classic case of NAPOLEONS COMPLEX !

There was a "NJOKI" kind of heifer who had mahewas like crazy and she really thought she was the shiznit by the way she was talking, acting and it looked like she had spent some hours prepping her nywele coz it was as straight as can be then a strategically placed curl on the side of her temple, and she had applied enough Wanja on both her eyes and lips ( were we going for a backfired gothic look mama ?? )

My people watching was accompanied by more alcohol , nyamchom, mukimo...the works - I was hanging out in the kitchen as was the half of the party - donno why - but my reason was to be near the mukimo since I hadn't kulad that stuff for a minute !
Enters MKOSA KICHANA with Megan ( a typical name I give to all jungu chicks ) he (proudly ) introduces the bundle of blue eyes and blond hair to us and they soon head towards me.....well not me exactly, but I was near the food - so she starts nitpicking coz the only thing she saw familiar on the table was the meat and "salsa" aka kachumbari - they fika to the Mukimo and this is what transpires :

Megan: What's this ?

MK : That's Mukimo, It's an Avrikan derekacy !

Megan : What ?

MK: It's warus........( dude pauses tryin to remember what potatos are called in EGRICH ).....
I mean potatoes, peaz and a kind of vengetamble ( tryin to explain pumpkin leaves )

( Megan's even more puzzled ) and she didn't ask any more swalis...so she served herself some of the "Avrikan Derekacy "

Me and a friend who witnessed the whole thing were now laughing our heads off because dude was shrubbing and twengin at the same time and it was jus awful !!
As soon as I had shibad I decided to leave the food zone and head out to the living room where people were still taking shots and by now the effects of alcohol were beginning to appear in certain people...

Cut a long story short..this is what transpired at the party

> Midget tried to fight a dude that was twice bigger and taller than him...the situation was diffused and by the end of the night they both passed out in the same couch ( I have the pix to prove it ) and looked like a cute mismatched couple

> Njoki was making out with someone in the couch and she was on top of the guy, her jeans were low cut so guess what was in view for the whole world to see....big ass cotton drawers !! ( more pix to prove the allegations )

> Mkosa Kichana drunk himself to oblivion and then proceeded to pee on himself....he then tried to go sit on the couch and the host kicked his ass out ! ( yes..yes I have the pix to back up my story )

> Some chicks ended up making out in the kitchen ( camera captured this too )

> Someone COMPLETELY missed the whole concept of using the toilet and proceeded to take a dump ( yes a dump ) on the bathroom floor !! ( didn't even dare take a pic of that mess )

> Two akata chicks who had come together got into an argument - kumbe theye were lezbos...I was in the bedroom when they both ingiad there and the argument ensued there and one of them said " I know what it is that you want" and proceeded to undress the mama and "chow down the carpet" so I was like okaaaaayyyy - curiosity got my ass transfixed on the whole scenario and by the way they knew I was watching and they didn't care.....then the receiver of the first chowdown returned the favor !!

All my perplexed ass could do was just toa repeated silent alama wa mshangaos !!! THAT action, was not captured on my camera, I don't even think my paparazzi wanna be ass would have been able to snap away..

I still haven't found out who the culprit that took a dump on the bathroom floor was....

All in all, the party was kick ass, my liver and I paid for it heavily next day - the plans I had to go to church on Sunday ...wapi ? down the drain...I was in bed nursing a hangi and recalling the events of the night ...when the phone rang, IT WAS TRUPHENA !
I was in no mood for mundane convo so I let her get accquainted with my EVER reliable friend called VOICEMAIL !