Woes of an African in Corporate America

My previous job was at an Insurance company and it a was a big company with an almost equal ratio of jungus and miros and then there was the sub-category minority class which included me and this Nigerian woman, whom I'll call Julie.

As soon as I met Julie I knew she was Nigerian ( based on her well profiled facial features ) and when I heard her speak it jus went to confirm my suscpicion. Now Julie had some serious fuller than full lips !!

And Im not talking about ordinary full......Im talking about FUUUULLL LIPS !!! and to make matters worse, she accentuated them more by wearing a bloody-fuck-me-I'm-a-whore glossy-red-lipstick and jus by looking at her I had a flashback of all the Tin Tin, & Asterix comic books that I used to read and how they depicted Africans as being chargrilled black with full red lips hauling luggage for the mzungu bastards in the forest... I digress

I always used to try and avoid sIaring at her but it was nearly impossible because them red lips were like a vortex or a black hole of sorts that would jus pull you towards her. So I decided to give her a nickname ( a habit I cannot kick out of my system and refuse to so do anyway ) - the nickname I decided to give her was LOOK AT ME because one couldnt help but look at the woman and her shiny lips.

I had to give U an intro to Julie before I begin my tale. So with only two Africans in the whole office, people will tend to notice you and everything that you do and with that said, I jus hoped Julie would be on point coz I know my monkey ass was !!

The office set up was ultra modern - very open spaces and the breakroom was very retro and because of the fact that there were no confining walls separating the breakroom from the office, there was a rule of no heating seafood in the microwave because seafood odors are not the most aromatic - and to make sure that people were at par with this rule, there were bright neon yellow stickers typed in bold caps " NO FISH OR SEAFOOD, NO EXCEPTIONS" stuck on the microwaves.

So one morning I get to work, me and my coworkers decide to go get a cup of coffee and as soon as we were in the breakroom , a pungent odor of seafood slapped our nostrils so hard for a split second I thought I was in a fish market in Homa Bay or something so ofcourse someone was bound to ask what the heck that smell was...and did I mention good ole LOOK AT ME Julie was by the microwave where the smell was coming from.

Julie turns around and says I can't smell anything ( yeah right !) now the smell is getting stronger by the minute, which meant it was spreading to the office and coincidentally there's a lady who sits across the breakroom and she's deathly allergic to seafood that even the smell itself can trigger an allergic reaction. Now this mama was quick to come and find out who was microwaving seafood.

Julie again is looking like a freaking deer in headlights with a I-donno-whats-goin-on look on her face. Then as life would have it, PING !! that was the microwaving indicating that whatever was being heated was now ready and Julie removed a bowl from the microwave and she quickly covered it with a napkin and by now everyone knew who the perpetrator was .

With her head held up high and her lip bling aka red lipstick in check...she walked away from the crime scene but that smell was following her like the way kids followed the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

By the time Julie fikad her desk someone had already notified HR of the incident and she was called to the office mainly because of the woman's allergy to seafood and the fact that she was not owning up to her faux pas

Here's the clincher folks....that concotion she had in her bowl was sardines and eggs !!!! Aauuuuwiiii freakin sardines and eggs - what kind of combi is that ?? and thats breakfast !!!

So naturally my workmates started ribbing me ati this must be a Zamunda thing and I was like heeelll no ! but I was only digging the Zamunda hole in which I was slowly burying myself in deeper !

At that point I was ready to assume a Bonquisha or Shanene Identity so as not to be associated with the lovely "LOOK AT ME" Julie.

The office was abuzz for a while because of that sardine and eggs incident and it was then that I had a moment of clarity ( as recovering alcoholics would say ) and knew that no matter how long one is uprooted from their native land, some habits jus can never die and that my friends, is the woe of me, the African, in Corporate America !!!