Tag it is then !
Sup bloggers and blogettes, I know I've taken more than my fair share of Sabbatical away from blogging...two main contributing factors for this dilemma is serious unaccounted laziness and even more serious blogk ( bloggers block ). Then me being the scatterbrain that I am, somehow ended up posting a reply to Prousettes post as a blog ( an error I realized like three days later...will need to up my Ginkgo Goloba dosage...this kind of ufalaness is inexcusable on my part ) and to make matters worse, I haven't even deleted it and as I was reading the comments Mr. Sandman decides to tag me !
So I came up with a list of six factoids on devious ( see how I've referred myself as a third person..means I'm de-placating myself from the situation consciously , as in should You find the six facts about me disturbing or boring for that matter...I shall blame it on my alter ego )
The list was created in my usual morning mkutano which I find to be booooring and my machos are usually on half mast the entire time and I've perfected on feigning my participation in the meeting by nodding my noggin up and down in approval or disapproval and scribbling ghost notes which I like to call mathogothanios maximus !!!
God forbid the day they ask me to share my notes with them coz I will jus humbly slide out of my chair, pack my viragos in a box ( office stapler included ) and with my head up high, walk out of the office and yell to the confused lot of co- workers - I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE !!!!
Chances are I will call later in the afternoon and apologize to Massuh aka boss and tell him I was low on cash and could not afford to refill my prescription of anti-depressants and borderline schizophrenic epileptic episodes medicine ( no such combi condition exists but hey what do I have to lose ) .....and that excuse right there will ensure my return to work after a day or two coz the boss wouldn't want to fire me due to an existing medical condition due to a little thing called unfair practices ( ACLU please step in any time ) - bloggers, and that's why I LOVE DUBYAVILLE !
*drumroll here it comes*
1 > As a child I had weird disturbing tabias and where they stemmed from only the good Lord knows..these were -
- As soon as someone shook my hand I would smell my hand...right in there face !! bila aibus, much to my mums horror and the poor woman couldn't get me to stop it regardless of the acts of violence she threatened to do unto me...the same disturbing tabia happened whenever we had guests and no sooner did they leave the hao and my mum would go to escort them, I would go smell the seats, this one my mum didn't know for a minute until one day when she caught me with my nose sniffing for who knows what in the warm cushion that still had the mgenis matako imprint on it still and my mum didn't even know where to start...she went and poured herself a cup of tea I guess while trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me and what punishment seemed appropriate for that kind of behaviour...and the woman knew how to get back at me coz she was like no watching the telly - WHAT ?? mummy here's the belt, jus chapa the crap out of me and let's get it over with but the TV ?? I still didn't learn my lesson regardless but somehow this hand/ass smelling fetish phased out by itself.
- I also drank my mum's Ladygay lotion ( ok peeps the pink shit was sweet and I had a notorious sweet tooth and mapengos to prove it as well ! )
to the point mathe had to hide her lotion at all times...this habit crossed over to my eating copious amounts of Vaseline, Kimbo and Blueband too and jus in case you're wondering..NO diarrhea episode ever stemmed from this habit ..and it too phased out
2 > I go all hypochondriac when I use public restrooms - I probably need to see a doctor for this coz I don't like anything of mine touching the walls the floor or anything ! its so bad that I vuruta my pants to my knees so that the hem doesn't touch the floor and one time my friend saw this and she was like what the heck is going on in there and I told her how I cant stand my pants touching the floor and she thought I had lost it ! that said...I also do the infamous tanye tilt coz these Godiva cheeks of mine are not touching the toilet seat either...flushing involves a pose that resembles Jackie Chan posing with one leg in the air ready to kick the crap out of Woo Fung..only this time my kick goes to the flushing thingamajig and opening the door involves me using some tissue and I then wash my hands with enough soap....and it is with the same tissue I use to hold the lever to yank napkins form the napkins dispenser...once I wipe my hands..I use the napkin to close the faucet and also open the door with it and the once useful napkin is quickly disposed in a trash can. People, I have it down to a science !!
The same procedure applies to some peoples haos if they seem suspect of not being at one with cleanliness and I must confess that I have a habit of looking in peeps showers when I'm in the bathroom so as to sorta gauge the cleanliness factor...if I see a brown tub that once was white with mold around the caulking...TANYE TILT all the way it is !!
3 > In retrospect to my bathroom habits, I have a crossword puzzle book and a dictionary in my bathroom and whether Im there for a number one or two ... I must do a puzzle and at times I get so engrossed in it I will continue doing it even when I'm done doing the deed, I jus sit there and pen away. its a fascination I have for words, I also have another crossword and dictionary in my bedroom. Scrabble is also another fave past time of mine though it infuriates me when I play with someone and they put words like * was, here, but, and *
4 > Patience is a virtue I truly lack and I dread when I get to have kids coz that means I have to actually work on my flaw which is also tied directly to my flaming ADD ..for example, I can watch three shows simultaneously almost..as soon as one show goes into commercial break I switch to the other one, this drives my victim or as you earthlings call them, the dude I'm kinda seeing, up the wall ( insert evil laugh ) ...I'm sooo bila time for commercials and I'm a remote hog too...like I move around the hao with it if he comes over so that he doesn't change the channel !!! I'm a true tyrant when it comes to the remote control, I become a tyrant despotic hostess with similar traits like Idi Amin ama Stalin.
5 > I seldom divulge the fact that I'm an only child because as soon as I do that people automatically assume I'm spoiled, which I'm not ( surprise surprise ) Mother dearest made sure I never got away with anything and it was kinda hard to coz there was only one toi in the hao so if things go awry..there's no Sherlock Holmes or Inspekta Sikujua being brought to solve the mystery of why the sugar is AWOL or why the TV was warm when I was supposed to be doing homework !! my mum has chapad me twice in her lifetime and those beatings were truly justified and still fresh in my mind aaaaand flesh ...and the first one happened when I was in Std 2 when I followed this kid to their hao after school ( I hid from Riziki the mboch who had come to pick me up ) so I went to my friend hao and stayed there and lied to her parents that my mum knew where I was...I remember it rained heavily on that day and my mum was in a panic coz she thought the worst had happened and she called the cops but they were like until 24 hrs pita we cant put an APB on your kid... do you know I fikad home like almost 10pm strolling casually like the kababa of the mtaa who ingias home with a gazetti under his makwapa and half kilo of nyaki in hand...the woman's relief soon turned into like Incredible Hulks anger ..yani I saw veins that I never knew existed and her machos narrowed into angry slits and then she proceeded to vamia with everything in sight from my books to the vitambaas in the living room, her patipatis..the mboches patipatis.. she was VERY close to taruaing her chiffon blouse and yelling like in wrestling a RAW IS WAR !
The Second Coming aka Operation Destroy Devious was from me stealing money from her purse and this was done when she was taking a shower... and it started with a penny coz back in the day a penny could buy you a candy or two...and I grew bolder by taking 5 cts, 10 cts, 50 cts...then behold I moved into the ranks of one shilling and so forth...need I point out I was the most popular kid in class coz I used to go to the kiosk and buy my classmates sweets...so one day I was bold enough to steal ten bob and mathe noticed her chums was missing so she asked the mboch ( poor Riziki ) and ofcourse she denied any partaking of the crime...my mum didn't even think her cherub would be the one doing it so she didn't even ask me ( insert evil laughter and snort ) Riziki was told if more money went missing she would be fired ( more evil laughter ) .
Figuring I had gotten away with it, with boldness matching akina Wanugu or John Kiriamiti...I hepeshad 20 bob !! that was in the early 80's so you know that was mob chums then. So we're having breakfast and my mum decided to put a handkerchief in my pocket when she felt something and she pulled out a crisp 20 bob note ( insert vein popping, eyes narrowing into evil slits...claws sharpening themselves ..the whole nine yards ) from my pocket - my mum was sooo angry that she even gave me time to finish my breakfast and she told me to go to her room when done - all over sudden the Elliott bread with enough blueband and bournvita didn't seem too appetizing coz I jus saw RAW IS WAR and my so called life flash before my eyes. lets not forget Rizikis murderous stare coz had I not been caught she would have been in the next Wepesi Express bus heading home.
So I ate my breako, begrudgingly and took myself to the Lions den ...my mum told me to lock the bedroom and give her the key - can we say D.E.A.D !!!...she asked me how long I'd been stealin money from her and me being the danda that I am, denied any wrong doing - and that my friends is what broke the camels back coz no sooner did I say that....the woman brandished a ka narrow red leather belt and told me to panda her bed....she then chapad my thighs and tanyes with the buckle end of it YES THE BUCKLE and she was not being gentle..any trace of her ever pushing me out of the womb were not evident ! even akina Kunta Kinte did not have it as bad as I did .
This went on for a looong minute and when her wrath had sorta kwishad or maybe it was when my eyes rolled back into there sockets as I lay limp and lifeless, I swear I saw a vulture hovering right outside the window.......will never know which, did she stop and with utmost calm...she picked up the phone and called my headmaster and explained I was going to be getting to school late coz Id been stealing money from her and she had to do what any other parent ( or as a Massuh would do to a run away slave caught ) would have done and I could hear Mr. Gachungwa agreeing as well. Then to add salt to injury I was not even dropped to school...foot patrol it was and the pissed off Riziki was to take me there...woman, mother have mercy upon me..you jus chapad my legs and now they're plump and tender and now I have to walk ?? it gets worse people....
Turns out Mr. Gashungwa went ahead and told my evil class teacher Mrs. Maina...the woman was the devils incarnate for real...she was a mean spirited woman who asserted her authority on kids like her life depended on it ! I digress.....
Anyway,when I entered the class she made me stand infront of everyone and decided to denounce me to the class ( earth please swallow devious jr ...pleeeaaase ) then to finish the humiliation perfectly she went to the cupboard and took out her "special" torture stick which was a kijiti stuffed in black pvc piping....when does the madness end ?? I will say that this taught me a very good lesson I never went near my mums purse and even if she told me she'd brought me candy or if she needed anything from her purse...I wouldn't touch it.,...I would bring the purse to her and let her take out whatever it was - either goody goody or money for buying milk. There was no way devious'es hands were rummaging through her purse without her presence !!
6 > I'm a very open minded person and don't limit myself to who I would date per se based on race or what not though I'm currently on a hiatus from dating peeps from here coz majority of them don't know anything about Kenya and quite frankly I just got tired of being an unpaid uncommisioned cultural ambassador with questions like what language do you speak, how many tribes, what's the capital etc etc ( remember the patience flaw I previously mentioned ?? ) GOOGLE the word Kenya, have a freaking field day and leave me the fuck alone !!! luckily my current victim is knowledgeable of my country even though he's not a raia but he did tap on my last nerve some weeks ago when he was asking me questions when I was watching Court TV and hell hath no fury like devious robbed of her time watching forensic files - so I snapped and gave him a book about Kenya and told him " here, read this I'm watching my show" and with out missing a beat continued watching my show while he was looking at me like what the heck .....but the mvaite in me was having none of it ! Read on dude...read on !!
( I will cheat and add one more factoid )
7 > I do not PMS ......with this divulged, I usually have a friendly disposition 30 / 31 days a month . But when I'm hungry, I'm like a raging African water buffalo...until I get to some food please do not cross my path. Hunger is a biach and I can be one too when my stomach is on empty !!!
So there peeps ya have it !
And with that...I tag Msanii, Nakeel, Kelitu, Archer & Udi !!
So I came up with a list of six factoids on devious ( see how I've referred myself as a third person..means I'm de-placating myself from the situation consciously , as in should You find the six facts about me disturbing or boring for that matter...I shall blame it on my alter ego )
The list was created in my usual morning mkutano which I find to be booooring and my machos are usually on half mast the entire time and I've perfected on feigning my participation in the meeting by nodding my noggin up and down in approval or disapproval and scribbling ghost notes which I like to call mathogothanios maximus !!!
God forbid the day they ask me to share my notes with them coz I will jus humbly slide out of my chair, pack my viragos in a box ( office stapler included ) and with my head up high, walk out of the office and yell to the confused lot of co- workers - I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE !!!!
Chances are I will call later in the afternoon and apologize to Massuh aka boss and tell him I was low on cash and could not afford to refill my prescription of anti-depressants and borderline schizophrenic epileptic episodes medicine ( no such combi condition exists but hey what do I have to lose ) .....and that excuse right there will ensure my return to work after a day or two coz the boss wouldn't want to fire me due to an existing medical condition due to a little thing called unfair practices ( ACLU please step in any time ) - bloggers, and that's why I LOVE DUBYAVILLE !
*drumroll here it comes*
1 > As a child I had weird disturbing tabias and where they stemmed from only the good Lord knows..these were -
- As soon as someone shook my hand I would smell my hand...right in there face !! bila aibus, much to my mums horror and the poor woman couldn't get me to stop it regardless of the acts of violence she threatened to do unto me...the same disturbing tabia happened whenever we had guests and no sooner did they leave the hao and my mum would go to escort them, I would go smell the seats, this one my mum didn't know for a minute until one day when she caught me with my nose sniffing for who knows what in the warm cushion that still had the mgenis matako imprint on it still and my mum didn't even know where to start...she went and poured herself a cup of tea I guess while trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me and what punishment seemed appropriate for that kind of behaviour...and the woman knew how to get back at me coz she was like no watching the telly - WHAT ?? mummy here's the belt, jus chapa the crap out of me and let's get it over with but the TV ?? I still didn't learn my lesson regardless but somehow this hand/ass smelling fetish phased out by itself.
- I also drank my mum's Ladygay lotion ( ok peeps the pink shit was sweet and I had a notorious sweet tooth and mapengos to prove it as well ! )
to the point mathe had to hide her lotion at all times...this habit crossed over to my eating copious amounts of Vaseline, Kimbo and Blueband too and jus in case you're wondering..NO diarrhea episode ever stemmed from this habit ..and it too phased out
2 > I go all hypochondriac when I use public restrooms - I probably need to see a doctor for this coz I don't like anything of mine touching the walls the floor or anything ! its so bad that I vuruta my pants to my knees so that the hem doesn't touch the floor and one time my friend saw this and she was like what the heck is going on in there and I told her how I cant stand my pants touching the floor and she thought I had lost it ! that said...I also do the infamous tanye tilt coz these Godiva cheeks of mine are not touching the toilet seat either...flushing involves a pose that resembles Jackie Chan posing with one leg in the air ready to kick the crap out of Woo Fung..only this time my kick goes to the flushing thingamajig and opening the door involves me using some tissue and I then wash my hands with enough soap....and it is with the same tissue I use to hold the lever to yank napkins form the napkins dispenser...once I wipe my hands..I use the napkin to close the faucet and also open the door with it and the once useful napkin is quickly disposed in a trash can. People, I have it down to a science !!
The same procedure applies to some peoples haos if they seem suspect of not being at one with cleanliness and I must confess that I have a habit of looking in peeps showers when I'm in the bathroom so as to sorta gauge the cleanliness factor...if I see a brown tub that once was white with mold around the caulking...TANYE TILT all the way it is !!
3 > In retrospect to my bathroom habits, I have a crossword puzzle book and a dictionary in my bathroom and whether Im there for a number one or two ... I must do a puzzle and at times I get so engrossed in it I will continue doing it even when I'm done doing the deed, I jus sit there and pen away. its a fascination I have for words, I also have another crossword and dictionary in my bedroom. Scrabble is also another fave past time of mine though it infuriates me when I play with someone and they put words like * was, here, but, and *
4 > Patience is a virtue I truly lack and I dread when I get to have kids coz that means I have to actually work on my flaw which is also tied directly to my flaming ADD ..for example, I can watch three shows simultaneously almost..as soon as one show goes into commercial break I switch to the other one, this drives my victim or as you earthlings call them, the dude I'm kinda seeing, up the wall ( insert evil laugh ) ...I'm sooo bila time for commercials and I'm a remote hog too...like I move around the hao with it if he comes over so that he doesn't change the channel !!! I'm a true tyrant when it comes to the remote control, I become a tyrant despotic hostess with similar traits like Idi Amin ama Stalin.
5 > I seldom divulge the fact that I'm an only child because as soon as I do that people automatically assume I'm spoiled, which I'm not ( surprise surprise ) Mother dearest made sure I never got away with anything and it was kinda hard to coz there was only one toi in the hao so if things go awry..there's no Sherlock Holmes or Inspekta Sikujua being brought to solve the mystery of why the sugar is AWOL or why the TV was warm when I was supposed to be doing homework !! my mum has chapad me twice in her lifetime and those beatings were truly justified and still fresh in my mind aaaaand flesh ...and the first one happened when I was in Std 2 when I followed this kid to their hao after school ( I hid from Riziki the mboch who had come to pick me up ) so I went to my friend hao and stayed there and lied to her parents that my mum knew where I was...I remember it rained heavily on that day and my mum was in a panic coz she thought the worst had happened and she called the cops but they were like until 24 hrs pita we cant put an APB on your kid... do you know I fikad home like almost 10pm strolling casually like the kababa of the mtaa who ingias home with a gazetti under his makwapa and half kilo of nyaki in hand...the woman's relief soon turned into like Incredible Hulks anger ..yani I saw veins that I never knew existed and her machos narrowed into angry slits and then she proceeded to vamia with everything in sight from my books to the vitambaas in the living room, her patipatis..the mboches patipatis.. she was VERY close to taruaing her chiffon blouse and yelling like in wrestling a RAW IS WAR !
The Second Coming aka Operation Destroy Devious was from me stealing money from her purse and this was done when she was taking a shower... and it started with a penny coz back in the day a penny could buy you a candy or two...and I grew bolder by taking 5 cts, 10 cts, 50 cts...then behold I moved into the ranks of one shilling and so forth...need I point out I was the most popular kid in class coz I used to go to the kiosk and buy my classmates sweets...so one day I was bold enough to steal ten bob and mathe noticed her chums was missing so she asked the mboch ( poor Riziki ) and ofcourse she denied any partaking of the crime...my mum didn't even think her cherub would be the one doing it so she didn't even ask me ( insert evil laughter and snort ) Riziki was told if more money went missing she would be fired ( more evil laughter ) .
Figuring I had gotten away with it, with boldness matching akina Wanugu or John Kiriamiti...I hepeshad 20 bob !! that was in the early 80's so you know that was mob chums then. So we're having breakfast and my mum decided to put a handkerchief in my pocket when she felt something and she pulled out a crisp 20 bob note ( insert vein popping, eyes narrowing into evil slits...claws sharpening themselves ..the whole nine yards ) from my pocket - my mum was sooo angry that she even gave me time to finish my breakfast and she told me to go to her room when done - all over sudden the Elliott bread with enough blueband and bournvita didn't seem too appetizing coz I jus saw RAW IS WAR and my so called life flash before my eyes. lets not forget Rizikis murderous stare coz had I not been caught she would have been in the next Wepesi Express bus heading home.
So I ate my breako, begrudgingly and took myself to the Lions den ...my mum told me to lock the bedroom and give her the key - can we say D.E.A.D !!!...she asked me how long I'd been stealin money from her and me being the danda that I am, denied any wrong doing - and that my friends is what broke the camels back coz no sooner did I say that....the woman brandished a ka narrow red leather belt and told me to panda her bed....she then chapad my thighs and tanyes with the buckle end of it YES THE BUCKLE and she was not being gentle..any trace of her ever pushing me out of the womb were not evident ! even akina Kunta Kinte did not have it as bad as I did .
This went on for a looong minute and when her wrath had sorta kwishad or maybe it was when my eyes rolled back into there sockets as I lay limp and lifeless, I swear I saw a vulture hovering right outside the window.......will never know which, did she stop and with utmost calm...she picked up the phone and called my headmaster and explained I was going to be getting to school late coz Id been stealing money from her and she had to do what any other parent ( or as a Massuh would do to a run away slave caught ) would have done and I could hear Mr. Gachungwa agreeing as well. Then to add salt to injury I was not even dropped to school...foot patrol it was and the pissed off Riziki was to take me there...woman, mother have mercy upon me..you jus chapad my legs and now they're plump and tender and now I have to walk ?? it gets worse people....
Turns out Mr. Gashungwa went ahead and told my evil class teacher Mrs. Maina...the woman was the devils incarnate for real...she was a mean spirited woman who asserted her authority on kids like her life depended on it ! I digress.....
Anyway,when I entered the class she made me stand infront of everyone and decided to denounce me to the class ( earth please swallow devious jr ...pleeeaaase ) then to finish the humiliation perfectly she went to the cupboard and took out her "special" torture stick which was a kijiti stuffed in black pvc piping....when does the madness end ?? I will say that this taught me a very good lesson I never went near my mums purse and even if she told me she'd brought me candy or if she needed anything from her purse...I wouldn't touch it.,...I would bring the purse to her and let her take out whatever it was - either goody goody or money for buying milk. There was no way devious'es hands were rummaging through her purse without her presence !!
6 > I'm a very open minded person and don't limit myself to who I would date per se based on race or what not though I'm currently on a hiatus from dating peeps from here coz majority of them don't know anything about Kenya and quite frankly I just got tired of being an unpaid uncommisioned cultural ambassador with questions like what language do you speak, how many tribes, what's the capital etc etc ( remember the patience flaw I previously mentioned ?? ) GOOGLE the word Kenya, have a freaking field day and leave me the fuck alone !!! luckily my current victim is knowledgeable of my country even though he's not a raia but he did tap on my last nerve some weeks ago when he was asking me questions when I was watching Court TV and hell hath no fury like devious robbed of her time watching forensic files - so I snapped and gave him a book about Kenya and told him " here, read this I'm watching my show" and with out missing a beat continued watching my show while he was looking at me like what the heck .....but the mvaite in me was having none of it ! Read on dude...read on !!
( I will cheat and add one more factoid )
7 > I do not PMS ......with this divulged, I usually have a friendly disposition 30 / 31 days a month . But when I'm hungry, I'm like a raging African water buffalo...until I get to some food please do not cross my path. Hunger is a biach and I can be one too when my stomach is on empty !!!
So there peeps ya have it !
And with that...I tag Msanii, Nakeel, Kelitu, Archer & Udi !!
posted by Unknown at 12:43 PM
28 Comments:
Fao!Now off to read!
You are only allowed to have bloggers block when you have hit 100 posts!
The ghost notes and nodding stunt always work!I used them too!
1.I had the sniffing the hand thing too!Esp after doing something like cutting meat or doing some manual jobo.I would do it to food too!It would drive me my mum nuts!
-I remember my cuzo once drank his mum's cocoa butter!That boy's stomach sprinted!
-I used to like chewing on pieces of mattress (the spongey part inside) Home made sponge cake!
2.As for public restrooms if they look kidogo suspect, a large layer of tp or seat cover will be applied if it's number two and a hand covered in tp will flush the toilet!
3.Huko mambo is SWAT team.In and out with as little noise as possible once the job is done!
4.I could never watch telly with most peeps back home as I watch around 3 channels at once unless smallville is on!
5.I kumbuka those welcomes when you've gone AWOL.Are you okay?Then whap!The slap follows afer you say yes.
What happened to the good old days when kids got an ass whuppin?Now we're just raising devils!
6.I don't do cultural ambassador very well unless blonde hair and blue eyes are involved.At that point I become the most exotic person within 100 paces!Usual I tend to be curt and to the point.Once you are given the Aco stare you shut up.
7.Now when you are single ebu holla.This mambos of mood swings when Aunt Flo is in town dont endear women to me at all!
I have two things to say and I will be back for more.
My small sis used to eat Lady Gay as well........
I dont PMS but if I use it as a viable reason for people to stay away from me when necessary
i was eating this during lunch, and most of it is no longer in my stomach. do the math. lol.
lord jesus, what was wrong with all you children? kimbo, vaseline, blueband, lady gay, cocoa butter, sponge!! (aco you have won with that one) and here i was thinking that the favourite snacks were rosy toilet paper and hair glo. then you sniff things? eeeek!
as for toilets, having had the task of testing them for various things (man, school can be a bitch i tell you) you have more to fear from peoples kitchen sinks. trust me. the public ones though are just yuk, the rule is if it's wet (floor,sinks, etc) dont go anywhere near it. but i do wipe my remote, house phone and anywhere else where people might put their chafu fingers when they come over with disinfecting wipes. and i have hand sanitizer with me always.
i have so chekad at your mathe ripping off the shirt like its wrestling - i still can't shikika!
@ spice - the woman was on a rampage to make sure i didnt steal what she had worked hard for !
VITA NI VITA I tell ya...and u know the say I shika my tois doing the same....Im so doing the same thing to them and this time i will even have a camera crew to record it !!
PS
I did kula hairglo too...donno how I forgot that one
I must say that reading this post has got to be the best part of the shitty week I'm having! Oh the humour!
lol, thot I was the only one who took crosswords etc to the bathrm. lately it's sudoku, timing's just about right.
now if we were to meet and talk how will you react and am like the kind of dude who loves knowing who gave your mother her maiden name ? will you give me a book on the subject? ... just trying to imagine you in such a situation ... o'wise you are such a wisecrack when it comes to blogging ... a blog tip says that a post will always be boring if it exceeds 250 words ... lucky that you are there to prove that that rule is all horsecrap!
LOL at you smelling the hands on the face bila aibus and drinking Ladygay kwani u thought was Calpol amam was the kufua dawa the one which was sweetie yeah yeah...
I lack patience like you..
Good to have u back
@ mdkims....as I draw the map of Togo on the sand with my feet...I will make exceptions about the queries. And muchas gracias for the compliment on my blogging..I get that from my old man, hes a wisecrack to the max !
@ Nakeel, now sweet dawas were hidden away coz I prolly would have been referred to in the past tense, the only thing my mum gave me carte blance to was Scotts Emulsion, I LOOOVED that stuff, Haliborange comes second but lets not even get started on that one !
@ Abby, Sudoku U say..first time I jaribud that puzzle I wachad it after five minutes coz then I started feeling like a full fledged tothi mang'aa but now I done cracked it !!
@ Archer.pole for the shitty week and glad to hear I sorta put U in good spirits - speaking of spirits....its FRIDAY !!!!
Any takers on who wants to hang out with me after work ? must live in the local area, mambo ya hiring a mule ama dandiaing a crop duster so we meet in a neutral zone is a no no !
@devious- LOL. You tagged me. you done smoked crack. Me have no weird habits
@devious- LOL. You tagged me. you done smoked crack. Me have no weird habits
that was jsut cold ati giving dude a book..what part of the game is that?
You are weird alright..
Why are weirdos tagging normal ppl(i.e me)...LOL.
@Aco sponge? really?
OK, you can go ahead and return my post now...You just can't borrow my ideas fwaa..wear them to the club, and sweat all over them..and and..Man, you're funny. I'm working overtime here just trying to maintain my sura ya kazi before 4:30pm- I've been staring at this speadsheet I got done updating by 8:30am all damn day..and then walking away ati rubbing my neck and shoulders for effect- looking thoroughly harrassed.he he..and this post just haribud vibaya-yaani, I just burst out laughing like I'm at a Dave Chappelle show..not even cool!!
Oh..and Sudoku rocks!! Auuii I'm addicted..its not even funny. In my bafu, I have reader's digest mags and a book of sudoku puzzles..my shao pal calls it sanduku!
Ngai I'm thirsty...
First- I sooo did the smelling my hands and smelling the seats when guests left..lol, I swear I even had ati a glove to salimia guys I thought had chafu hands..lakini I'd jifanya it was for my Michael Jackson routine.. OMG..how mean!
Then- Your mathe, and my mathe..si we arrange a WWF Kenya special one-time event?
Waaaaa, is there hosipitali near you. I have LOL(ed) I had never ever known anyone smelling hands after greeting people, smelling the seat yes, but hands.
I don't PMS either but have pretended to to get stuff done for me espe but mano.
You have made my day! I also feel terribly normal. Ati Ladygay? SPONGES? Are you people mad? The strangest thing I ever did was to wait until my parents' party had reached its maximum capacity of people, then I'd casually stroll into the sitting room completely naked, sit down, cross my legs in an adult manner, and then contribute wisely to all conversation around me. But now I think I may have said too much...
You dun it again. Is there a mineral you were missing to drink all those evil concoctions hata hairglo. Woi.
And smelling hands while at it? Seats even I used to do but hands no!
I love your mom may I be just like her. There is nothing as remotely satisfying as whopping your child's ass to teach a lesson they will not forget in a hurry business of time out nyimaring them TV does not work. Chapa kabisa.
Made my monday thanks.
Sista u just tagged me for the second time have already done it scroll down dear.. will tell u who to tag though Akiey maybe he will do it after we become 2
@ kenyan ..ati U did what ??? okkkk now thats far worse than my kulainof vaseline ama smelling of hands loooooooool
Thats a classic and Uknow revenge comes ten fold...so imagine what ur tois will do to you !! hahahah hopefully I will be there to see it !!
this is what i read for myself
whether its a number one or two-u will do a puzzle and sometimes ur there for so long that a number 1 becomes a number 2...hahahahahaha u tanya tilter u
where was i when thislist came out??????
haiya u'd smell seats-lordy goddy?
this post is just too funny
yes where were U at Couch....prolly watchin movies hahahah I see Ure a movie afficionado as well !
Thx for passin thru my blogsphere !
to whom it may concern
RE: wewe! you promised us stories, where are they?
you know what i mean - i'm here to insist and persist that you must do a follow up on the fishes and the like. told you i'd be here to harrass you!
yours sincerely,
an impatient spicebear
wow
LOL! LOOL! LOOOOL! Ati you used to eat Lady Gay? And sniff cushions?!! LOL!
My dear .. roho safi ... do you still?? :)
@ M...all those are habits that have long died...ahem *shifts eyes nervously*
ure too funny!! ive been missing out...great blog!
if it was a compe men those kids wangeshida eating kimbo lady gay yark i can't even imagine the side of it
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